Arguments and complaints are a part of all marriages - yes, even healthy ones. We all have
moments when we disagree with our partners, when we are unhappy with them or when we
simply vent out other frustrations on them. This is normal and healthy. But how we deal with
these arguments can be a defining feature in our relationship. The way we deal with an
argument can make or break a marriage.
There is one major mistake that most of make that completely destroy a strained relationship. That mistake is to engage with our partner ‘at the level of the complaint’. We look at that complaint in isolation, instead of telling our partner what they really need to hear from us at that moment. When our partner is arguing with us, we look at that complaint as a singular complaint - and then try to solve that issue. What we don’t realise that often there are a lot of smaller issues that gather over a period of time and when one tips our partner over the edge, they start venting. We immediately address the issue at hand, and then think that everything will be hunky dory. We don’t realise that there are multiple issues that have added up and they too need to be addressed.
More often than not, what our partner needs to hear from us is not the solution to the immediate problem. Rather, they need to hear more long-term assurances like the fact that we love them despite their complaints, that we will never leave them, that we love all their beautiful unique features and other such promises that repair the foundation of the relationship. That will assuage their anger as well as their fear.
During an argument, when a relationship is at its lowest and most strained level, you need to
give your partner love. You need to tell them that you love all their unique features. You need to surround them with love so that they have no choice but to drop their fears, apprehensions and worries. They will end up reciprocating your love and it will be true and pure.
Remember, an argument is when your relationship can be solidified or destroyed. If you address just superficial issues, things won’t look good. But if you #GiveLove to your partner when they need it the most, they will reciprocate their love completely and your relationship will be saved.
