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  • Writer's pictureKamal Khurana

How to stop being judgmental & build Empathy ? by Parkhi Monga & Dr Kamal Khurana

Updated: Jul 8, 2020

The key to not judge people is to understand that every individual is different. The behaviour of a person depends on his/her attitude. The attitude in turn is dependent on psychological factors such as values, beliefs, ideas or perception. Even if two people come from a similar background or are born in the same family, both of them will be different from each other. So, this becomes quite obvious that people outside are way different than you. Remember that nobody is wrong. Everything depends on perspective. There are ways in which we can change our perspective towards others and try to understand them.

Empathize – Empathy is another form of compassion where you tell the other person that you understand him/her and provide comfort. There is a famous quote that one must always remember:

Love is the absence of judgement – Dalai Lama

Accept – Accept people for who they are and also, for who they are not. This means to be at peace with everyone on this planet. Acceptance makes you believe that every person does his/her best in a given situation.

Stop being insecure – Talking bad others often provides a sense of relief and security. Criticizing others gives people more power to prove themselves right and others wrong. It is important to remember that we all have flaws and make mistakes. We understand this better when we build our own self esteem and stop feeling insecure from others.

Don’t judge yourself – Many of us develop a habit to judge ourselves every now and then. At times, we over think and often criticize ourselves for no reason. This in turn also makes us judge others. Accepting ourselves and feeling good for what we are, refrain us from judging others too.

See the positive – If you tend to pay attention to the negative aspects of people, try shifting your thoughts and instead focus on everybody’s positive traits. You will be amazed to see how easily you start accepting people around you.

Understand what you want – You want people to accept you the way you are. Any kind of criticism coming your way makes you annoyed and defensive. This happens because you want to be understood and not criticized. The same goes for others.

Give benefit of doubt – Whenever you come across a person or situation that you feel is not good or inappropriate, try and give benefit of doubt. This is because you may not be completely aware of the situation. Most often than not, we are unaware of what lies behind someone’s actions or deeds. Perceive the scenario and explain yourself a good reason for the situation. Choose to see the positive side of everyone.

Never gossip Gossiping about a person evokes unnecessary judgement. Avoid gossiping as much as you can. If you find yourself surrounded by people who like to gossip, either stay out of the conversation or leave the group. Try being in the company of positive and non-judgmental people.

Look at your limitations – Before judging others, remind yourself that you are also not perfect. You also have certain flaws that you want to work upon. So this makes all of us equal and leaves no point for judgement.

You don’t know the story – Nobody knows another person’s complete story, their childhood circumstances or what lies beneath a particular act. There can be unimaginable reasons behind a situation that we see from outside. Showing empathy for things that you don’t understand and acknowledging situations that you understand makes you a wiser person.

A lot of emotions such as anger, frustration, fear, anxiety or sadness often make people do things that they may not otherwise do. It is very important to understand where we lack and what are the things that we need to work upon. To get into the depth and emerge out victorious, we can take help from a Relationship or Life Coach. If you seek marriage counseling from a marriage counselor or relationship coaching for your relationship, if you are able to relate well first with your own self, then you can relate well with others. We all want to live this life peacefully, and for that we need to be at peace with others. If you find yourself unable to understand other people or dealing with conflicting situations, ask a relationship coach now. It is never too late.

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