THE SINGLE BIGGEST REASON THAT MARRIAGES FAIL - Dr Kamal Khurana Marriage Counselling
Updated: Jul 8, 2020
You probably believe that you have to choose a life partner once in a lifetime – you have to pick out that one person who fits the bill from the billions of people around you. But that’s where you’re mistaken. Choosing a partner is not a single decision to be made on a single day; for your relationship to last, you have to choose your partner every single day.
We all find one person we want to settle down with. We fall in love with their stunning smile, the spark in their eyes, their ability to make us laugh and their beauty. Waking up with that person in our arms every morning becomes our ultimate dream. That person becomes home for us, our happy place, the person who we return to to heal when things go wrong and to celebrate when things go right. But often, stressful challenges start cropping up in the relationship. Everyday life pops the blissful bubble and we start wondering if there’s another person out there who’s better suited to us, who's easier to love. As days turn into months and months into years, more and more obstacles crop up. And we start choosing our partner a little less with every passing moment. We stay with that person, we spend our daily lives together. We just stop making them the topmost priority. And as a result,
both people end up hurt and suffering. The biggest reason that marriages fail is that we stop
choosing our partner ever single day.
Choosing your significant other every single day means appreciating the gifts they bring to your life on a daily basis – the smiles, the laughter, the comforts, the companionship that we have because of them. Unfortunately, we fail to see what’s so fabulous about them. Instead, we end up focussing on their anger, insecurity and demands. That arouses our own anger and insecurities and it becomes a deadly circle – that only strains the relationship further.
When you focus on what bothers you about your partner, rather than on what you adore, you are being unfair to both of you. On the other hand, if you consciously decide to choose your partner every single day, if you surround them with love constantly, they’ll have no choice but to respond with their whole heart.
Here are 10 simple steps to help you choose you partner and surround them with love every single day:
1. Find one thing you love about them everyday. Sometimes it will be difficult, but dig deeper till you come up with an answer.
2. Once you’ve identified what that one thing is, tell them. It’s important to make your partner feel appreciated.
3. Stop trying to change your partner. Instead, focus on giving them love in the form that they require.
4. Understand that your partner is right in his/her own perspective.
5. Learn to let go of your negative views about your partner.
6. Don’t walk away from them, especially when you feel the relationship is strained. They need to trust that you’ll be there for them.
7. Don’t beg for their love, instead shower your love on them in abundance. You’ll discover that there is fulfillment in giving love.
8. Understand that when you are giving love to your partner, you’re ultimately giving love to your own self.
9. Stop proving to your partner what all you’ve done for them. Don’t seek their approval for everything that you’ve done for them. Rather, just give love continuously till the time you
become so magnetic that your partner is dependent on you.
10. And lastly, don’t compare your partner to anyone else in the world. Doing that is a great injustice to their individuality. Recognise that they are entirely unique and special.
Your relationship will begin healing the minute you realise that you feel complete while giving love. The power of love can move mountains. Always remember to #GiveLove to your partner and once you do that, you can watch both your relationship as well your partner flourish.