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  • Writer's pictureKamal Khurana

Steps to manage thoughts of quitting and attain the winner's mindset - Dr Kamal Khurana

Updated: May 11, 2023

Goals can be achieved only when you have a commitment to achieve them. Easier said than done! Right?

Indeed it is not easy when you have tried everything. Thoughts of the past keep running in your head. There is a sense of feeling low as if you have lost a battle, despite your good intentions and hard work. And now you believe that giving up is the only option you have. Even more, because you think no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to create it and the situation will remain the same forever.

Experiencing these low emotions, you end up saying to self "I have done so much

and despite all, I failed". Doesn't this keep repeating in your head every now and then? Also then you say this to all the people whom you share your situation with?

And because you have been saying this over and over again to yourself and to others, this has become a solid belief for you. Even at this point in time, your mind must be trying to convince that you have really worked a lot, so it is not just a belief, it is a reality.

True! You have worked a lot to make things work. And this is your first step - You have to acknowledge that you have worked a lot. To understand the second step, you need to ask yourself, why are you even reading this article. Don't you want to see that the efforts that you have put so far, should get you the results you aspire?

Ask yourself "What is that I can still do to turn it all around?"

It is all about the patterns in your mind. When you don't know the solution, you end up experimenting with everything without consistency. Of course, how can consistency come when you don't know which way is the right way. It's like you are in an unknown city in the middle of the night with a discharged phone and you are trying to reach an address.

Everyone has such moments when life seems too hard. However, there are ways that you can reset your mind, refocus your goal, and stay strong. You can surely pull through by working on the WHY ?

You need to manage your emotions & take charge. Only if you commit to yourself that you will stay on target and find someone who can give you the knowledge, keep you accountable and support you, you can make it.

Whatever your challenges may be, you need to have the mettle in you. You need to develop a mindset and not be a quitter. Success will be guaranteed for those who continue to chase it - NO MATTER WHAT !

If this all is making sense to you following the steps and facts that you need to drill into your system and a day will come, when you will be proud of yourself. Here you go --

1. Know that it's about your own self-esteem

Low self-esteem is just a bad habit. When you constantly think about the other, actually at a subconscious level, you are thinking low about yourself. This won't be easy to comprehend. You may think that you are good, and it's the other who is at fault. But look within what's happening ?. You have a pattern of blaming it on the other, instead of taking ownership and action to solve the problem

An optimist will not blame, a positive self-esteem person will not blame or give excuses. He/she will see what can be done, instead of thinking who has done it.

You need to identify the patterns that you carry. These patterns are the beliefs about yourself, about others, or about your situation that you constantly keep on repeating to yourself. These can be statements like -

  • My partner doesn't need me

  • People take advantage of me

  • I am a loser

  • My in-laws want to dominate me

  • I am not as lucky as others

  • I have to struggle always ........ and the list goes on and on and on....

And the reality is when your mind throws such thoughts in the loop, you end up believing them as true. And then you react - either you run away, or you fight, or you go in a silent mode, or you defend. Whatever your patterns are, they actually put you further into the same situation over and over again.

Aren't you done? So be done with it. This is an active task. Following is the only way to transform everything that you see around.

2. Take the lead and create the life you want to create for yourself

Start taking ownership of your life, your career, your situations, your relationships, your health. The more you work on yourself, you will end up acting on your environment and transform it all. Here your mind will pose the question "Why should I do it all ?" Then remember that's the point, of change. You cannot expect a change without acting on things. WISE TAKE CORRECTIVE ACTION. After all, you have put all the efforts till no, for what? Ask yourself "What is your goal ?". Isn't your goal to create? You have a choice to either continue thinking or creating the new life you expect.


Taking lead is done in four steps. I like to call it LEAD - Look, Envision, Affirm & Do. Let us understand what it means.

The most important step is to look at the beliefs that you hold in your mind that are taking you away from your goal. Define your goal in a positive connotation like "I have to create friendship with my partner" or "I have to create reduce weight by 10 kgs" or "I have to increase my income by ......$" or "I have to find a job at this level .... within next 3 months". Now the first step is to notice the negative thoughts in your subconscious that your mind keeps on telling you over and over again, and because of which you end up feeling negative & then reacting negatively.

a. LOOK - You need to break this cycle. Life is not something that is happening to us, but it is what we make out of what is given to us. Only when you play your part really well, the other will have no option but to acknowledge. Even while reading this last sentence, your mind will still give excuses and tend to blame others. This is exactly the pattern that you need to give up. Western concept talks about quitting the toxic environment. I say quit your patterns and then see what needs to be done. Isn't that fair? And what's the point to learn about swimming when you have decided to come out of the pool?

That was all about the firsts step - LOOK of the LEAD. Look for the beliefs that your mind keeps shooting at you whenever you are feeling low or lost.

b. ENVISION - Envision means seeing the reality that you want to create in the future. It may sound a little confusing, yet you need to master this second step of taking the LEAD. Our subconscious mind believes what it sees. It stores information in image form - just like a picture memory. Think of your kindergarten, your college/university - you have picture images. The same principle works when you actually imagine - 'image', the future you want to create - be it your career, your relationship, your health anything. When you actively consciously, see this image daily, you are programming your subconscious mind. Envisioning is a process that in turn motivates you to act towards meeting your goal.

c. AFFIRM - Hinduism devised the concept of 'mantras' in ancient times. 'Mantra' is a technique of repeatedly saying a word or a sentence in the mind so as to achieve an outcome. In our third step, we call it Affirm. Affirming is repeating the goal statement in your mind every day as many times a day. Whatever your goal statement may be - "I have to create friendship with my partner" or "I have to create reduce weight by 10 kgs" or "I have to increase my income by ......$" or "I have to find a job at this level .... within next 3 months" or "I have to improve my relationship with my boss, my relative". This step of taking the LEAD is going to affirm your connectedness to your goal like crazy. Yeah, literally ii mean it like crazy. The one who is crazy believes in what he/she believes in, no matter what the world is saying.

d. DO - Action towards accomplishing the goal is the final step. When you have done the earlier 3 steps of Looking for the negative beliefs and replacing them with logical right steps and envisioned the positive future and affirmed, the final step is ACTION. You need to know what action is needed to accomplish the goals in the situation that you are in currently. Talk to people, read, think sitting in a silent place. And suddenly the idea will strike you. Your subconscious mind is so powerful that it can assimilate all the data you have gathered so far in your life. Also, it can connect to the data in the universe that you are unaware of. A newborn deer baby - 'a fawn' knows that it has to hide in the bush when encountered with a predator. Who has taught it to do that - nobody. Similarly, the idea will strike when you continuously affirm the positive image of the future in your subconscious mind on a daily basis. It is like a dream that you consciously see every day in the day time. The same way your subconscious will throw a solution to you. Grasp it and work on it with commitment. You will see miracles if you are committed to creating them by acting in the right direction

Let us have a recap of what you need to do

To summarise - "Commit to yourself that you will do your part for yourself! "

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