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  • Writer's pictureKamal Khurana

Taking lead and transforming your situation

Updated: May 11, 2023

Life is easy only when you work on it.

Life is all about action.

Life is a continuous pursuit of winning. Either you put your best to win or someone else wins. You need to know that it is about a very fair concept of 'Survival to the fittest'.

The weak sit and complain. And they remain weak because they don't act in the right direction in the right way. This doesn't mean you have not acted at all. But can't you accept that yeah, you must have missed something. So admit it.

1. Admit - Admit that you missed something. And there's nothing wrong with admitting that you missed something. this way you are allowing yourself to connect with reality. only when you leave your guards, you can be lean enough to take charge as per the situation. think of sitting in a sports car. do you not have to first fit into the low height seat of the car. only when you admit that this is how it is, can you then get the grip of the steering wheel and take the car on the racing track.

2. Promise - Promise to yourself that you will win. Nobody can make you promise other than you. You need to see how bad have you suffered. Only that pain can make you work hard on your situation. And this is about committing to self that you will not quit. You will not quit the situation. But instead, you will turn it all around. Keep saying this to yourself. Better if you can grab a paper / a notepad where you can write that you will turn it all around.

More than self-talking everything about what's wrong, do the self-talk that you will do everything to get the habit of doing things. Your core job is to drill this every day at least 3 times.

3. Find the deepest root cause - This is an important step too. You need to find out - wh

It is all about keeping yourself connected to your purpose - The "Why" - Ask yourself 'why do you want to transform ?'. And then you can work on what you need to do. how you want to do will be just an information

4. Find the deepest root cause - This is an important step too. You need to find out - why are things are happening the way they happened to you.

Use the Self Question Self Answer technique -

Let us understand what is this technique.

For this ask yourself the question "What was not done by me ?" in a sequence back to back(average 5 times) to the answers that your mind gives.

For example - if the building has caught fire -

a. Ask "What was not done by me that the building caught fire ?"

To this, the first answer that may come is - "I didn't ensure that there is no short circuit".

b. Now ask again "What was not done by me that there was a short circuit ?"

To this, the first answer that may come is - "I didn't ensure that the electrician does

all his routine check or repair work properly"

c. Now ask again "What was not done by me that electrician does his job well ?"

To this, the first answer that may come is - "I didn't ensure that the electrician is paid


d. Now ask "What was not done by me that I didn't pay the electrician properly ?"

To this, the first answer that may come is - "I consider paying the electrician and

other administrative expenses as irrelevant"

You need to be super focused on solving that one thing which will solve all his other areas 

5. Be Vigilant - Find out things, tasks & people that take you away from your goal. For example, if having casual drinks over the weekends drains your energies in the coming week, you need to be vigilant that it doesn't happen or happens in moderation. Again you need to focus on being away or assertive to those friends who pull you into having momentary fun. Indeed all the vices will give you momentary fun and they will appear irresistible, but they take away your happiness that you could have used to your advantage.

6. Be Self Accountable - Continuously take accountability for your own actions. When your mind is left loose, it has a tendency to mess everything around. Remember your die-hard goal. You need to adopt everything that takes you towards that goal and abandon everything that takes you away from your goal.

7. Celebrate your small success every day - Celebrating is as important step as your action.

Who other than you can motivate you? Do you know the word motivation is about "Keeping connected to the motive - i.e Your Goal. If you celebrate your accomplishments, you will feel powerful enough to take up the next steps. Tell yourself every night about your small wins.

And one day you will reach your destination. This is certain. Make it sure that you inculcate all the above with full certainty.

Remember where did we start from - Transformation starts from committing or promising self that you will be transforming everything by doing whatever it takes.

Dr. Kamal Khurana is the best marriage and relationship counselor. He provides couple counseling to solve relationships in Delhi and Mumbai.

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